It's Now In HIGH DEFINITION

If my progress is related to the analogy of a television, now I am starting to see the big picture in High Definition mode. Everything seems to be clearer day by day. Things start to reveal one by one, in this world that we call – Malaysian Education.

Waking up at 6 in the morning is still somewhat ok, and I will have to face this for the rest of my life, probably. But going home at 5, everyday? Like it or not, that phenomenon is starting to be a norm in my daily life from Monday- Friday, and I am not liking it even a bit.

Yes, it is true that teachers are like candles that burn themselves to light the lives of the students. It’s ok if staying at school means delivering my knowledge to the students. But if staying at school means to do clerical works, and other tasks that are not related to teaching and education, please bear in mind that teachers have lives to live.

Other than that, my progress in teaching seems to be good. But I believe if more time is spent to prepare on lessons, rather than “other special tasks”, it would be better. And I believe I am speaking on behalf of most teachers in our beloved country. We have hours at school, and it seems like that we want to put everything inside our students’ mind. And body. And Soul.

Students, taking mine as the subjects, have a lot of potentials in them. But it’s a sad thing to see these potentials to be just kept deep inside because there are not much ways for teachers to bring them out, because there are a lot of side activities for them to think about.

Basically, a teacher lives three different lives, and works in three different fields – Teaching..of course, Managing..tonnes things in school, and this is the one thing that we often ignore that a teacher must focus on – His/Her Family.

For those who think that being a teacher is merely about marking exercise books, THINK AGAIN.

HambaMalam

At Last, It Was Said..:)

3rd April 2011

At last, she said those three meaningful words to me.

Although I already knew it,

I just wanted to hear her say it.

and she just did.

Thank you.

:)

Staring Far Into The Future

This semester will soon come to an end in less than 1 month time, and I think that I'm still like who I was last semester, and the semester before and before and before. It's just the same old me. Just older. Maybe.

My quest for a degree ends next year and that may seem to be an end of the exhausting studying days but it's actually a start to another thing. Adulthood. Yes, poop out your eyes Mr. Hamba Malam. Poop it out and pick it up from the floor.

At times,This guy felt he's so ready to confront this new horizon. I felt so confident to go through my courier, my life, and I even set a goal to further studies as a post-graduate student. Oh yes, and let's not forget marriage. Never forget marriage.

But at other times, I think that I'm still far from ready to face all the challenges in the adult world. It's quite hard for me to imagine myself not as a student, what more as a teacher, that educates the future. Or as a husband, that's responsible to take care of my dearest one. Or as a father, that protects my family at every time.

Even now as a student, I sometimes neglect my responsibilities towards my studies. As a son, sometimes I forget my duties towards my parents. As the eldest brother, sometimes I act more childish than my younger siblings. This worries me a lot. Will I be able to walk along the path of adulthood the right way?

Friends have started to plan for their future. Even some had start saving for their marriage. And I am still like this, lingering around the streets looking for cheap thrills. I want to start planning for the future. No, I have planned for my future. I know what I am planning for. I know how I want it to be. And I will do it my way.

I want to be a sincere teacher.
I want to be a loving husband.
I want to be a responsible father.
and I hope I will be all of the above.



I want to be a good man.



HambaMalam

Just Some Shit of Mind.

Just like the title of this entry, this is just a piece of crap in my rusty mind after I woke up from a not-so-good sleep and getting moody at people that I should not get moody towards. Yea, this ill-tempered good for nothing guy can be quite annoying at some times. or most of the time.

Well there are quite a lot of things to be said but i wouldn't. To say that I care about peoples' feelings, maybe. Or some people might say just voice out your mind and practice the freedom of speech. to hell with what others think. well, fuck you. I wont hurt people's feelings just like I don't want to be hurt.

Yes I do hate and dislike a lot of things. Sometimes very small things such as a tiny pimple in my nose. It feels like shit. But I need not tell the world about shits like that. or other shits about other people. If I choose to share, I'll share it with someone who is there which I know that someone will listen to whatever crap I say.

If not, I'll just end up here. and let you readers ponder what the hell am I talking about(as if there are readers of this crappy blog. lol).

Well that's about it. too much writing(or typing) may result in more information being leaked. (some infos huh?)

The Essentials of A Head.wtf is this?


HambaMalam.

Edisi Jiwa Kacau

Damn. Mood swing melanda secara tiba2. Rasanya sudah lama aku tidak mengupdatekan blog ini. Entahlah aku sibuk dengan apa. Kadang2 ada jugak perasaan ingin menaip kata2 di sini. Tapi entahlah. Perasaan itu cuma aku abaikan dan aku biarkan berlalu begitu sahaja.

Mungkin agaknya apa yang ingin aku tulis mungkin akan menyinggung perasaan sesiapa yang terasa. Kenapa agaknya aku susah sangat nak mengguris hati orang lain? Bila aku tersinggung aku susah pula nak cakap pada yang menyinggung.

Hah. Aku mula merapu entah apa-apa. Sebelum aku meluahkan apa yang terbuku di hati ini, lalu melukakan perasaan, ada baiknya jika aku berhenti di sini sahaja.

Buat suzy yang sedang kesejukan di luar sana, aku rindu saat-saat indah yang panjang bersamamu. Hanya kau yang sangat mengerti hati ini.


Entry bodoh dan merapu.

Yors Sinsierlee,

HambaMalam.

Perpisahan dan Pertemuan

Pernahkah anda melalui sebuah proses yang bernama perpisahan?

Tidak kiralah perpisahan dengan keluarga, rakan-rakan, kampung halaman, harta benda, atau apa-apa sahaja yang kita pernah tinggalkan ataupun ia yang meninggalkan kita ataupun ia telah dirampas atau dicuri dari anda. Rasa-rasanya tidak ada yang terlepas dari merasai perasaan ini. Sekecil-kecil perpisahan, seperti kita menyedari kehilangan sebatang pen ketika anda mencari2nya di dalam kelas, ia pasti mendatangkan kesan kepada hati seseorang. Walaupun hanya sebesar zarah.

Sebelum terjadinya perpisahan,pasti kita akan bertemu terlebih dahulu.

Sesebuah pertemuan yang diinginkan,atau yang langsung tidak disangka-sangka, tetapi membawa kebaikan dan kegembiraan ke dalam jiwa seseorang, sesungguhnya cukup indah dan bermakna. Apabila di dalam suasana ini, kadangkala waktu terasa begitu cepat berlalu. Terlalu singkat sekali. Adakalanya pula ia terasa seolah-olah begitu lama tanpa ada sebab-sebab yang pasti. Kesan yang dirasai pula, ada yang terus dirasakan sejurus terjadinya, dan ada pula yang hanya disedari setelah sekian lama.

Hakikat bahawa tiada apapun yang berkekalan di dunia ini haruslah kita terima, dan jangan sekali-kali kita nafikan. Yang bertemu, sudah pasti akan berpisah. Yang tidak pastinya cuma bagaimana pertemuan itu terjadi, dan bagaimana pula perpisahan akan berlaku.

Bukanlah niatku untuk meminta perpisahan, akan tetapi aku harus sentiasa mengingatkan diriku bahawa ianya pasti akan tetap terjadi. Yang aku harapkan jika ia terjadi, biarlah ia menjadi sesuatu yang bermakna, di mana tiada kekesalan dirasai. yang diingati hanyalah keindahan ketika detik pertemuan, sehinggalah perpisahan itu sendiri.

Aku sangat mengharap supaya perpisahan tidak akan terjadi kepadaku, atau kepada sesiapa sahaja. Kerana kadang2 ianya amat pedih untuk kita lalui.

Bukannya terlalu mengharap, tetapi tanpa harapan, tiadalah usaha bersungguh-sungguh untuk menjaga apa yang ada pada kita.


HambaMalam

...

I felt like ideas were comin' in.

Then I opened this window.

I stared at the screen for a long time.

But my mind was blank.




HambaMalam